This article is dedicated to all writers, grips, cinematographers, PA’s, composers, Foley artists, directors & of course actors. These people actually had enough guts to walk on a set & actually work on a movie.
I’ve never seen so many movie critic wannabees as there are residing on Rotten Tomatoes website. They’re up there right now acting all big & cool. I mean really. What are the qualifications for submitting movie reviews to Rotten Tomatoes? From what I can tell, all you need is:
- A Website: www.iknowsomuchaboutfilms.com : Check. (Not really a working site)
- 56K Modem (or better) to that Information Superhighway: Check.
- Movie Bully Attitude: Check.
That’s all it takes to upload your cynical 2 cents about any movie, anytime. Have you tried reading Rotten Tomatoes movie reviews? Don’t bother. It’s more than exhausting. These people are trying so very hard to be movie critics, the words come out like jibberish, herky-jerky rants & just plain movie snobbish. Isn’t that what we’re really talking about here? Movie Snobs. Rotten Tomatoes caters a whole new breed of so-called movie critics. It reminds me of the deep dark cave underneath Wayne Manor. Hidden inside are thousands of tiny flying rats who attack all at once with screeching noises that try to scare us, make us wince & rip our flesh to pieces. Like Bruce Wayne, who confronts fear & realizes the winged-freaks are really harmless. That’s Rotten Tomatoes folks.
It’s the place where mean-spirited movie rants fly straight at you and scream in desperation, “I have a website, so my opinion matters more than yours because I know movies. I’m on Rotten Tomatoes. You’re a nobody. Blah, blah, blah.” I despise being talked-down to. News Flash: These so-called critics are not smarter than you. They only think they are. They just have a platform to spew. Why anyone buys what they’re selling befuddles me.
Each post tries to out-critic the last. Don’t believe me? EXAMPLE: Here’s a few words taken from Uri Lessing, the all-knowing movie critic of www.kcactive.com (The KC stands for Kansas City) on 2004′s Rotten-Rated tear-jerker, “The Notebook.” Yeah, Rotten Tomatoes actually lists “The Notebook” as a Rotten movie. Uri writes, “… one gets the sense that director Nick Cassevetes and writer Jan Sardi would spray the audience with teargas if they could.” Unquote. To be fair, Mr, Lessing’s entire beat down of “The Notebook” is somewhere on ‘Rotten Tomatoes.’ But, it’s mean-spirited movie criticism like that that makes me proud I’ve never even considered participating in the Rotten Circus. It’s basis thrives on negativity.
Here’s the key. Just because a movie isn’t Oscar material, it doesn’t necessarily mean it should get berated. There’s only a finite number of movies that get Oscar love. I refuse to see 150 movies a year & simply hate them just because they’re not nominated. While I’m at it, entire genres of movies are out and out shunned at the Academy Awards. Comic Book Superhero Movies, Action-Adventure, Science Fiction, Horror & Comedies. That’s why viewership is terrible for the Oscars. It’s just out of touch with society. These critics try & make you feel smaller for simply enjoying movies, all movies. It’s a shame.
Below are 50 movies I would recommend to anyone & I have. Over the last 16 years on CBS Radio in Los Angeles, I’ve put my chin out there, on the air, raging against cynical movie snobs. People love me, people hate me. These 50 movies aren’t perfect, far from it. But every single one of them has entertained me. I don’t need some online cowboy critic telling me what’s worth watching or not. These movies made me laugh, cry, freak out or whatevs. Isn’t that the point of seeing movies?
I love the critically trashed Rotten-Rated, 25% approved comedy, ‘The Change Up’ starring Jason Bateman, Ryan Reynolds & Leslie Mann. Right now, I feel like singing, “The Dinner Song.’ The cool thing: People who shunned ‘The Change Up’ at first end up saying, ‘Hey, that was really funny.’ It’s not supposed to be critically acclaimed. It’s a goof. A guilty pleasure.
Also, rent “The Amateurs” with Jeff Bridges it got a paltry 15% rating. That’s extremely Rotten. It’s about small town folk who try producing a porno film. Don’t worry, it’s rated PG-13. That movie has a heart of gold. Go ahead look over the list. I dare you to say every movie listed in Rotten. If you do agree & find every single film listed here as Certified Rotten, guess what? It’s official, You’re a movie snob. This list is not in any order.
- Armageddon 39% 1998
- The Book of Eli 48% 2010
- Fallen 41% 1998
- Four Christmases 25% 2008
- Step Brothers 55% 2008
- Semi-Pro 21% 1999
- Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me 51% 1998
- Austin Powers in Goldmember 54% 2002
- The Amateurs 15% 2005
- Article 99 46% 1992
- Heartbreakers 53% 2001
- For Love of the Game 54% 1999
- The Bodyguard 32% 1992
- Diggstown 54% 1992
- Payback 53% 1999
- Bruce Almighty 48% 2003
- Taken 58% 2008
- The Hangover 2 34% 2011
- The Change Up 25% 2011
- The Heartbreak Kid 29% 2007
- National Lampoon’s Van Wilder 18% 2002
- Safe House 53% 2012
- Smokin Aces 29% 2007
- Heart & Souls 55% 1993
- Snitch 57% 2013
- Me, Myself & Irene 48% 2000
- Mr. & Mrs. Smith 59% 2005
- Kingpin 50% 1996
- Shallow Hal 51% 2001
- Tequila Sunrise 44% 1988
- Phenomenon 50% 1996
- Serendipity 58% 2001
- Top Gun 55% 1986
- The Woman In Red 29% 1984
- Multiplicity 44% 1984
- One Good Cop 17% 1991
- Clean & Sober 55% 1988
- Johnny Dangerously 47% 1984
- Lucky Number Sleven 51% 2006
- Hereafter 47% 2010
- One Fine Day 47% 1996
- Home Alone 54% 1990
- Spaceballs 54% 1987
- Murder in the First 50% 1994
- Weird Science 56% 1985
- We Are Marshall 49% 2006
- Gangster Squad 32% 2013
- The Notebook 52% 2004
- Ace Ventura: Pet Detective 45% 1994
- The Rum Diary 50% 2011
- Your Movie Here
So who am I? My name is Leo Quinones. I host America’s Longest Running Movie Talk Show. It’s called, “The Film Freak Movie Talk Show.” It’s doesn’t take itself too seriously. www.filmfreak.com. The podcast is free. Take a listen if you liked any of the movies above. 16 years I’ve stated at the beginning of every show. I’m not a movie critic, I’m just a guy who likes movies. I interview filmmakers, actors, writers, composers I love it all. I love movies too. That’s why I’d never make it as a legit movie critic. I love “The King’s Speech.” But I also love a quirky little Rotten-Rated ditty called, “The Rum Diary” with Johnny Depp & Giovanni Ribisi. You can email me direct leo@filmfreak.com. Follow me on Twitter @leoquinones. Do it Pete “Maverick” Mitchell does. (Yeah, “Top Gun” rated Rotten!?! I feel the need, the need to not read: Rotten Tomatoes!
